No, I don't mean furries. No, I'm not talking about cosplay.

There is a sinister element to the geek subculture, a dark facet which seems to be irresistible to some. Like many things about geekdom, it draws many otherwise level-headed people into its seductive arms, urging them to debase themselves in humiliating ways that they daren't admit to family and co-workers. For those who still have a sense of dignity intact, they feel a deep current of shame about their fascination even as they helplessly surrender themselves to a world without light, without promise, without hope.

I'm talking about fan-fiction.

For those of you fortunate and sheltered enough not to know what this is, "fan-fiction" is the term commonly given to fiction written by amateurs (usually) about characters and situations in television, movies, cartoons, and other forms of entertainment. For many, it's not enough to have watched "The X-Files" or "Xena: Warrior Princess" and enjoyed the stories, the acting, or whatever else it was that drew them to the show. These poor unfortunates are compelled to find a way to make themselves a part of the show. In most cases this is only in a figurative sense, in that they want the adventures to continue, and so they write stories about their favorite characters. But a few go even further, writing themselves into the stories as protagonists. Others, not content with this offering, will blend two or more different shows/movies/cartoons/games, much like the infamous "Star Trek/X-Men Crossover" comics, but more poorly written. If you ever wondered what it would be like if Sydney Bristow met James Bond, or if Fox Mulder had a homoerotic encounter with Boss Hogg, it's probably been written about by at least twenty people, and is available for reading online.

The reason I dredge all of this up is because I fear I have entered into a fearful shadowland: I have felt the urge to write fan-fiction. Marilyn and I have just finished watching the entire series of "Earth 2" on DVD, a science fiction show that aired back in the mid-90s and lasted only one season. With the inevitable exception of two or three fairly awful episodes, I really enjoyed the series, and thought it had a lot of promise. It was an attempt at making hard science fiction for TV - always a difficult proposition - and at the same time featured interesting characters, each journeying along a character arc, and an ongoing storyline about a journey across an earthlike, alien planet. And it occasionally did things I didn't expect. I don't know if it was brilliant television, but it did make an attempt to be smart sci-fi, and I enjoyed it.

I vaguely remembered watching this show when it was first on the air, and it stuck with me ever since. Watching the DVDs, I discovered that I had only seen the first two episodes. From what I understand, "Earth 2" was basically sabotaged by NBC when it was originally aired, constantly being pre-empting by sports events, its episodes shown out of order (an order that they retained on the DVD set for some odd reason), and its writing staff fired and replaced at least once (and it shows, as evidenced by the awful episodes I mentioned). A new producer was hired to revamp the show; his proposed changes for the second season essentially undid everything good about the series, and would have turned it into a weak imitator of "Star Trek," complete with 60's-style sexist attitudes and casting. Mercifully, NBC reviewed his changes and just decided to pull the plug on the show instead.

Back to the point: For the past few days, I've been filled with a feverish desire to write "Earth 2" episodes, to somehow continue the story, see where the characters might develop, see if I have the ability to write the show. The dangers in this, of course, are that I would be spending my creative energies on something which, at best, would be doomed to a life of obscure reference in a cobwebbed corner of a website somewhere; that I would be writing about copyrighted characters and settings created by someone else instead of creating my own original material; and that, well, I would feel the psychic presence of fan-fiction's creepy reputation weighing over me as I did it.

Okay, I've been speaking with my tongue tending toward my cheek in this post, but it's funny to me that this fringe hobby I've cringed at for so long suddenly makes sense to me. I now understand why people do it, why they feel the desire to sit down, daydream about someone else's story, and add their own touch to it.

In retrospect, it's really not all that different from roleplaying. With roleplaying games, I can make the claim that at least I'm creating my own characters, but I'm still relying on someone else's setting (and sometimes, their characters) and creating something that exists for a moment but really doesn't mean much of anything once it's done. It's a creative substitute; fine for a hobby but not very useful for an aspiring professional.

Just for fun, take a look at the website I found. This will give you a grand overview of the entire fan-fiction phenomenon. You may cringe, you may weep, you may lose sleep at night knowing that this is out there, but most of all, you'll probably wonder, as I did, what would drive a person to write stories about "Punky Brewster."