Marilyn and I went to see a movie yesterday. We only get to see each other for any length of time on the weekends, so we try to make the weekends special, but we often end up just sleeping in and kicking around the apartment, which neither of us feel is particularly satisfying, because as relaxing as it can be, it makes the weekends go by too quickly. Anyway, we decided that we wanted to go to one of the googleplexes out here that's planning to show all three Lord of the Rings movies in sequence (the extended versions of the first and second, too!), and we wanted to see what the theater would be like. As it turned out, the tickets for that one-night affair were already sold out, but we decided to see a flick, anyway. The choices that we both were interested in were Talky-Talky (Luther ), Kissy-Kissy (Love, Actually ), and Stabby-Stabby (Underworld). We decided that, while we wanted to see all of these movies, the last would be the one we'd want to see on the big screen (and likely would never actually get around to renting out, unlike the other two), so Shooty-Shooty it was.

And shooty it was indeed. I daresay there was more gunplay in this movie than in The Matrix. We both wanted to see it just because we were in the mood for a kind of Shadowrun-like movie, and Marilyn had been subjected to an informercial for the movie masquerading (get it? get it? Wait for it...) as an investigative show about Real Life Vampires and Werewolves (insert snide comment here). So, what the heck?

Like I said, it was rather violent, as you might imagine a movie about Vampires and Werewolves fighting in a modern-day city would be. One of the more interesting things about this movie, of course, is that the company who released it (I honestly don't remember, and don't feel like looking it up right now - I want to say Sony) was faced with a lawsuit from White Wolf games, creators of the World of Darkness RPGs (Vampire, Werewolf, Mage, Changeling, Wraith, etc.) because the movie had so many similarities to the world presented in the games that they figured it was a case of plagiarism. After seeing it, I agree - if you want to see World of Darkness: The Movie , this is it. The main character (I had her pegged as a Brujah) gets caught in the middle of a subway conflict between Vampires and Lupines...er, Lycans , who open up with firepower in violation of the Masquerade...er, Covenant . There's Methuselahs, you can identify most characters by Clan even if they aren't named as such, there's politics and power plays... And on it goes, like you would imagine the average Vampire chronicle would play out. Even the climax is exactly what you'd expect from a Vampire game. The funny thing about it is that White Wolf devotes a lot of time explaining to gamers that they don't intend the game to be played the way that the movie plays out, but it's exactly how most people play Vampire. Lots of guns, lots of running around in black leather and fetish-wear, not a whole lot of time devoted to things like feeding keeping things quiet so the Humans don't find out.

This also has the most blatantly nonsensical Script-Demanded Kiss I've seen in a movie since Wing Commander. Since most people have never seen Wing Commander , this makes it all the worse. Oh, well - how much depth do you expect from a shoot-em-up about Vampires and Werewolves? It was pretty much what I was expecting - the dialogue is on autopilot (could fit into any action movie, just insert the genre-specific Capitalized Names), there's lots of fighting, jumping around, kicking and shooting. Boy, there's a lot of shooting. Did I mention that? Also, as exciting as it may be for the guys to see Female Buttkicking Vampire Grrls in PVC catsuits, I can't imagine it can be terribly comfortable fighting, jumping around, kicking and shooting while wearing a leather corset. I suppose I accepted it in The Matrix because at least Trinity had the excuse that it was her self-image in the hallucinatory construct of the Matrix. Vamp Grrl Celene doesn't have an excuse, really.

Which makes me think of something else - if I were a Vampire, and could never go out into the sunlight again, living forever and all that jazz, I'd at least wear something bright, colorful, and comfortable. Like maybe orange and yellow silk pajamas. Change colors with the time of year. Decorate my living space with photographs, bright colors, you know. I mean, no sense in depressing yourself even more than you already are.

So, bottom line: if you live in a city and find out that there are Vampires and Werewolves living there, open up a leather shop and sell lots of black leather. You'll make a fortune off the immortal creatures of the night, and given how many scrapes they get into (and how often the Lupines, er, Lycans shuck their clothes), you'll keep a fairly regular business. You'll probably be the only guy they won't kill at some point.

Unless they turn you into one of them, of course.

One more thing - I think "Mmm, Boogers" would make a good name for a band. My wife disagrees, but imagine if you had a hit song? Every radio DJ would be forced to say your name on the air before playing your song. "The winner of the Emmy Award for Best New Performer for 2004 is...Mmm, Boogers!" If you're really lucky, they'd play your song during the Advertising Slide Show before the movie in the theaters. "That was "Hey, You" by Mmm, Boogers. And now, a flash from the past..." Just think of the possibilities...

That reminds me - I love the preview for Resident Evil 2 . It's brilliant.